I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
