Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
