Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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