normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
