so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
