i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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