Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize