who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
