i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
