She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
