I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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