My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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