Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
