I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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