Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
