note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
