K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
