If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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