Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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