Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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