Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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