Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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