i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
