Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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