so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
