if only i could text you this smell
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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