This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
