Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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