I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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