The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
