somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
