What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
