Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
