totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
