A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
