Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The ass gains better be worth it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
