I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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