Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
