Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
