Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
