my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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