Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i am craving dick and cupcakes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
