She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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