If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
