I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
