seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
