Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
