Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
