He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
