remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Less talking, more tequila
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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