We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
