do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
