Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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