he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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