Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want her autograph on my taint
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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