my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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