Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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