awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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