She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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