waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
