the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i will never coherently bang her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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