Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
