He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
