Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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