I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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