woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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