Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
